At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind Me by A. P. Herbert
At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind Me
A. P. HerbertDear Madam, you have seen this play;
I never saw it till today.
You know the details of the plot,
But, let me tell you, I do not.
The author seeks to keep from me
The murderer’s identity,
And you are not a friend of his
If you keep shouting who it is.
The actors in their funny way
Have several funny things to say,
But they do not amuse me more
If you have said them just before;
The merit of the drama lies,
I understand, in some surprise;
But the surprise must now be small
Since you have just foretold it all.
The lady you have brought with you
Is, I infer, a half-wit too,
But I can understand the piece
Without assistance from your niece.
In short, foul woman, it would suit
Me just as well if you were mute;
In fact, to make my meaning plain,
I trust you will not speak again.
And—may I add one human touch?—
Don’t breathe upon my neck so much.
MARGINALIA
Something funny as I am about to cry.
ABOUT A. P. HERBERT
Sir A. P. Herbert (born September 24, 1890, Elstead, Surrey, England—died November 11, 1971, London) was an English novelist, playwright, poet, and politician, author of more than 50 books, famous for his witty championing of minority causes. His first literary success was The Secret Battle (1919), a story of front-line warfare. Another novel, The Water Gipsies (1930), affectionately described Thames riverside life. In contrast, Holy Deadlock (1934) was frankly propagandist, aimed… (more)
Read more poems by A. P. Herbert • Find books by this poet on Amazon • Bookshop • Or view my library
ENDNOTES
- Explore other works in pursuit of: comedy • irony • annoyance • Or browse the index
- If this work resonates with you, please consider supporting the archive. Thank you for reading.
Apoorva
I read this as a textbook poem long time back! 🙂